I want to eat!

I want food- not jello, broth and clear liquids! These are the things I have to do to prepare for tomorrow. 

Surprisingly enough I am not grumpy at the lack of food since 4pm today.  Oh and add the fact that I have had to drink some pretty nasty crap called citrate magnesium, take 2 Dulcolax pills AND will have to have 2 fleet enemas in the morning.  It will only get better since I am not scheduled to be at the hospital until 11a.m. tomorrow.   Guess they want me cleaned out! Thank goodness we have 2 bathrooms! LOL

I have to go for a routine outpatient procedure that is associated with my Gardner's Syndrome (FAP).  Every 2 years I have to have a sigmoidoscopy (a scope up the rear end..ugh) and a scope down my throat into my stomach.  They are checking for polyps in both areas. They would normally check the colon, but I had all of mine removed when I was much younger.  The last time I was checked they found polyps in both areas. The duodenum (the first part of the small intestine) had precancerous polyps and the top portion of the stomach had fundic gland polyps (typically non cancerous).   The Dr. will take a biopsy in both areas and hopefully have good news to tell me.

Typically when precancerous polyps are found, they are burned or scraped out. There are only so many times that this can be done...I have hit my limit with my duodenum.  I asked the Dr. what happens when when you reach a point like this.  He said the duodenum would need to be removed and that it is major surgery.  The good news is that a person is perfectly fine without this small little thing!  While the thought of loosing another part of my body doesn't thrill me...I can live with it as long as the polyps and risk of cancer are gone.   I want to be as healthy as possible for my future child(ren).   I will post an update as soon as I get one.


I put a link below that might help give some information on FAP/Gardner's Syndrome. 


  
FAP/Gardner's Syndrome

Waiting...

That is what I must do.

At work it is no secret that my hubby and I are wanting to have a child.  There is a co-worker who has had two successful private adoptions.  She shared her experiences with me 6 months or more ago.  She told me that she had not sought them out but that she was in the right place at the right time.  I told her how happy I was for her and that I could only hope that one day that my husband and I would have a child of our own one day- by whatever means.  She said she would keep me in mind and let me know if anything crossed her path. 

Today she came into work and told me about a twenty something woman who is pregnant and wanting to give up the baby for adoption.  The woman has 1 child already and is having a difficult time and can't see herself with another child.    My co-worker was asked if she wanted to adopt the baby but she declined saying that she has her complete family.  She let it be know that she knew someone that would LOVE to adopt a baby.

YEP! That would be me!! She took my contact information and said she would pass it along.  

 I told hubby and he was amazed.  He can't believe it and we both are praying that it is going to work out for us. I know I can't get my hopes up.  Things change minute by minute especially when it comes to a us women.  

So we will wait for the day when we get a phone call from someone who wants to talk to us about adoption.  

I hate waiting.  I want a call now!  :-)

Emotional

The last few weeks I have been so emotional!!  My husband agrees and has noticed.  It is a combination of things I am sure-trying to get pregnant for the last year and a half and being unsuccessful, trying to know what path to go down (whether fertility or adoption route) and rapping up and dealing with things at work. 

I have always wanted a family.  I was told that I would not be able to have a child because of my Gardner's Syndrome.  Adoption was always an option that I thought I would have to use.  I have since found out otherwise.  I talked to a genetics counselor and he went over all my medical "stuff" and said that Gardner's Syndrome would not stop me from becoming a mother.  A whole new world of options opened up to me! But of course like so many I had high hopes that things would be easy and that once I heard those magic words that Gardner's Syndrome would not stop me...well...I would magically conceive. 

If only it were that easy. <sigh> It only got harder. I guess I should start off by saying that I have been to my dr. a few times and she had some basic blood tests done on me and they came back that chemically there is no reason why I shouldn't conceive.  Great! But then to tell the hubby that HE needed to get checked. That is where things have gotten  dicey. It still has yet to be done.  We go back and forth on what we want. Pursue adoption or fertility issues.  When I say "we"  I mean the hubby.  I know what I want to do...I just want him on board and he sees adoption as the best route.  We are still talking about it and everyday we get a bit closer to what we both want and how we both feel. I think we are closer to an answer... It will be in the works the next few weeks as things settle down.  It is a compromise that I think I can live with.  More on that later as it pans out.  

Hmmmm this has been somewhat therapeutic just as someone said it would be.  Thanks. I think I will keep it up.  I can't guarantee what it will be about and how often I will do it but I do know that it will be a release for me.  :-)